FUNDAMENTAL TRUTH #42: “Romantics often don’t have a clue of what they romanticize about.” -Old Pithy

Posted by PITHOCRATES - November 30th, 2010

A Lady like Scarlet O’Hara no doubt Smelled of Ass and Armpit

Some people just don’t like modern times.  Like environmentalists.  Who say things were better before man industrialized everything.  Back before the big cities.  When things were quaint.  Like on that great plantation, Tara, in Gone with the Wind

Yes, things were simpler then.  And better.  There was no plastic.  Or glass and steel skyscrapers.  Or indoor plumbing.  If you had to poop during the night, you just squatted over a bowl.  That quaint, little chamber pot.  Which you either dumped out of your window.  Or left on the bureau until the following morning.

Of course, you didn’t shower every day back then.  Even the wealthy.  Even someone like Scarlet O’Hara.  Who no doubt smelled of ass and armpit.  But things were better back then.  Simpler.  And the environment was cleaner.

Once Upon a Time, Our streets were filled with Poop and Urine

Well, perhaps cleaner is not the word.  Let’s say more natural.  Back before polluting cars and that big-ass carbon footprint, the internal combustion engine, we used horses.  We rode them to get from here to there.  And we used them for work.  And there was no gasoline or polluting products of combustion.  Carbon monoxide.  A horse ate what grew naturally.  The way things should be.  And pooped and peed all over the place.

You ever go to a quaint touristy area with a historic part of town?  Where you can take a cozy moonlight ride in a horse-drawn carriage?  They try to be authentic.  But they throw in a few modern conveniences.  Like a poop bag under the horse’s butt.  To keep the street clean of horse poop.  And free of flies that are attracted to the horse poop. 

In the good old days, the streets were full of horses.  Horse poop.  Horse urine.  And flies.  A lady in here finest Sunday-go-to-meeting dress dragged her dress through those streets.  And the filth in them.  And if she walked on the sidewalks she probably dragged that dress through human poop and urine.  From all those chamber pots poured out from the windows above.  And the flies were everywhere.

To Protect Children in Africa from DDT, We let them Die from Malaria

Then man had to come along and ruin everything.  They took a plow to paradise and built cities.  They paved the streets.  After installing storm drains first.  Little creeks and wetlands disappeared.  As did malaria.

Say what you will about the cities, but a concrete jungle does not breed mosquitoes.  You know what does?  Jungles.  Swamps.  Wetlands.  And you know what mosquitoes breed?  Malaria.  But thanks to America’s concrete jungles (a.k.a., the big cities), we don’t have a malaria problem.

You know who does?  Africa.  Big time.  Because they’re still very much that pristine paradise the environmentalists pine for.  And a mosquito breeding ground.  There’s wholesale dying there because of these little buggers.  And what are we doing about it?  We’re sending them mosquito netting to sleep under.

There was a time, though, when we held the mosquitoes at bay in Africa.  We saved lives with DDT.  By killing mosquitoes wholesale.  But Rachel Carson wrote a book called Silent Spring.  And it did to DDT what the movie The China Syndrome did to nuclear power.  Some countries still use it (India, China and North Korea, for example).  But kids continue to die in Africa from malaria because of the ban of that nasty chemical DDT.

Plastic, Chemicals, Internal Combustion Engines, Glass and Steel save Lives

But there are still some of us that want to get away from it all.  Who eschew this modern world.  They want to get back to a simpler time.  And some do.  In retirement.  Move out to the country.  Away from the big noisy cities.  And away from those big city hospitals.

Not my dad, though.  Good for him, too.  For he had a couple of heart of attacks.  The paramedics were at the house in about 7 minutes.  They had him in the hospital emergency room about 20 minutes later.  They saved his life.  Twice.  With all those things of the modern world.  Plastic.  Chemicals.  The internal combustion engine.  And a glass and steel building in a concrete jungle.

George Washington lived in that environmental paradise some pine for.  He died in 1799.  From what started out as a sore throat.  Washington was the Father of our Country.  The truly indispensible one.  The most powerful man in America.  He could have been king.  It was there for the taking.  He was that loved.  But that didn’t matter in 1799.  In that quaint time, a sore throat could kill.

The Miserable Enjoy Smelling Ass and Armpit?

In our modern world, we use daily showers, deodorant, perfume, cologne and even bidets.  It has become a pleasant smelling world.  And anyone who has sat on a 14-hour flight in coach can really appreciate how nice that is.

I like my concrete jungle.  It’s nice to know that falling asleep with a body part outside a mosquito net won’t kill me.  And if I get sick, it’s comforting to know that I can receive emergency medical treatment within 7 minutes. 

I don’t think those who want to turn the hands of time back fully understand how disgusting and dangerous those times really were.  Or they’re just miserable and hate life.  And they can only find comfort in making everyone as miserable as they are.  Either that or they just enjoy smelling ass and armpit.

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