FUNDAMENTAL TRUTH #1 “The meaning of bipartisan depends on your point of view; on the Right it means compromise whereas on the Left it means unconditional surrender.” -Old Pithy

Posted by PITHOCRATES - February 17th, 2010

THE ONE THING that puzzles me about stereotypes is that when it comes to legislating, the Left (liberals) and the Right (conservatives) always break character.  The Right is a bunch of gun-toting redneck war hawks looking for a fight.  The Left is a bunch of over-sensitive girly-men that want to disband the military and ask our enemies to be nice to us.  At least, so go the stereotypes. 

But give the Left a majority in Congress and this cowardly lion finds its courage.  They stop reaching across the aisle.  They become belligerent.  Mean.  The Right tries to placate them.  They cave on principle.  Apologize for being conservative.  And they ask the Left if it’s okay for them to participate in the nation’s business.  ‘No?  Okay.  Then I’ll just vote along with you.  Just please like me.’  It’s like the proverbial joke about a man who gets married and soon after deposits his testicles in a box and gives them to his wife saying, “I guess I won’t be needing these any more” to which she replies, “damn skippy.”

Those in Congress think they’re part of an aristocratic nobility.  Though the very thought of an American aristocracy is repugnant there have always been, throughout history, people who feel that they are better than others.  And so it is in America.  It’s the old boys’ club of Congress.  It’s a unisex club now (feminists should be happy that this glass ceiling has been shattered).  Liberal Democrats and RINO Republicans make up the core membership.   In time, though, the sweet temptress of rank seduces most everyone in Congress.

The first rule of getting accepted into this club it to kiss the boots of those already in it.  And other bodily parts.  These are people who never had a real job.  They advance in life through political favor.  Haughty and condescending, the further they advance without honest work the greater their feelings of grandeur and their contempt for the middle class (who have those real jobs).  Work is beneath them.  Aristocrats don’t work.  Fools work.  It’s good to be king but life’s not so shabby in the aristocracy.  You just need to ascend to the ranks of this upper class.  And there’s no better way than through court appointment.  I mean, winning election to federal office. 

This aristocracy is a parasite that feeds off of the government.  For the parasite to flourish, though, it needs a healthy host.  It needs Big Government.  The bigger the better.  The bigger it is the more taxes it must collect.  The more tax collected the greater the wealth transferred from the private to the public sector.  The richer the public sector gets the more it can spend on the federal bureaucracy.  This swells the federal payroll.  And this is the ultimate goal.  This is why politicians can commit political suicide by voting against the wishes of their constituents.  If they lose an election there will always be a federal job waiting for them.  Somewhere.  And a federal pension.  Thus their lifestyle continues uninterrupted and they live happily ever after.  Even during times of record unemployment.

COURT LIFE IS enchanting.  It’s five-star and it’s free.  And it’s so seductive.  So corrupting.  Once let in it is hard not to give in completely.  Anything you want is there for the taking.  Using your position to enjoy some naughty behavior?   No problem.  We’ll accept your apology with a wink.  Want a cheap ‘mortgage’ on a fabulous new home?  Done.  Want to fly your friends and family to Europe?  Why, here’s an intercontinental jet.  It’s better than winning the lotto; winning the lotto doesn’t place you above the law.

They like this lifestyle.  But they don’t want to pay for it.  And they don’t like it when a new crop of uppity conservatives come into the Congress and want to change the status quo.  When they decry the lack of bipartisanship, they’re just crying like a child that can’t have his or her own way.  They don’t want compromise.  They just want to put things back like they used to be when the Right was the Left’s bitch.

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